June 2009
1 post
Things I Need to Get Rid Of
I need to get rid of the following things as soon as possible. I’ll send pictures/dimensions if you’re interested. They will be in Queens until July 15 and you can come pick them up or I might be able to have my minions briefly hold them on Long Island.
Black Computer Chair
Small Wooden Kitchen Table
Wooden DVD rack that can hold about 200 DVDs
Exercise Bike
Wooden Computer Desk
...
April 2009
3 posts
12 years will do that to you.
Alicia: excel is never a good idea for anything except numbers. MAKE THAT MY EPITAPH
Me: I shall and make mine "a spreadsheet is not the same as a research database"
Alicia: oh man, so similar, even in death!
watching April 8, 2009 on Boxee →
I have been going to the same pizza place for lunch for a year and am very proud that they know what I get (a plain slice and a pepsi) and we never have to exchange any words. As soon as I walk in, they put my slice in and then I pay with exact change and we are done. Of the three guys who work there, one is very friendly and is particularly swift at getting my slice in the oven (sometimes when...
March 2009
11 posts
Movies I've watched since Tuesday
The Fugitive
The Fugitive (with commentary)
Raiders of the Lost Ark
The Fugitive
Witness
“Hitler was the stupidest person ever. How could he not like the Jewish people?...”
– My 9 year old brother, who was genuinely disturbed by this revelation.
“Hey you asshole. I fucking called you because I was standing next to Dustin...”
– Angry voicemail i just got from Alicia
I wanted to watch The Fugitive on my netflix player last night, but the sound wasn’t working, so I watched Air Force One instead. I had never seen it because I was under the impression that it was Con Air. I enjoyed it very much and only wish that Harrison Ford would have stayed on the plane, crashed into the water and then beaten the shit out of some anti-American sharks.
February 2009
19 posts
Me: i am trying to argue that jeff bezos is the spitting image of a pachycephalosaurus and was getting frustrated that i couldn't find any real pictures of them.
Alicia: you know the names of dinosaurs?
Me: i know the names of the ones that look like they have eggs on their heads.
Alicia: whatever.
The Slap Chop Guy Fights Scientology? →
Vince Offer is the infomercial guy on those Slap Chop and ShamWOW! commercials. He’s pretty bizarre on his own, but even more bizarre is this: He’s using all the proceeds from his infomercials to wage a large-scale war against Scientology!
The most amazing thing I've seen today.
On my way back from lunch, I walked by a 4 year old boy and his nanny, who were going back and forth singing Don’t Stop Believing. I was only by them long enough to hear three lines, but I assume they sing the chorus together.
Everybody knows how girl scout cookies work - they come around once a year, you have to place your order a month in advance, then you get your cookies. This morning my beloved samoas were dropped off in my office, but the beautiful moment was destroyed when my boss started acting like she had never heard of girl scout cookies before. She asked a series of asinine questions, which ended in her...
Snuggie Pub Crawl →
I need to find a way to go to this.
“Just don’t do cocaine beforehand, that’s what I always say. That...”
– My mom giving me very bizarre advice for a big meeting I have tomorrow.
I feel like I don’t even have to pretend to be doing work today because I made my boss laugh so hard she almost cried when I compared something to a scene in Life of Brian.
A wasp is not a bee, Katie.
Right before trivia night started last night, we realized Katie Couric was sitting next to us. I kept insisting that it must have been some sort of contest the people she was with had won because I’m certain they weren’t her friends. I pleaded with my team to have our team name be Meredith Viera is a Bitch, but they thought that she’d get upset or something. Anway, I was facing...
Walking to the doctor today, I decided that the following is maybe my favorite exchange in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I really love Jim Carrey’s delivery of this line.
Clementine: What took you so long?
Joel: I just walked in.
“i know you disagree. i disagree with you. neither of us will be convinced...”
– Alicia
This is why we are friends.
I was looking at the light.
Bale goes ballistic. I can’t stop listening to this. I love how his accent goes in and out.
January 2009
26 posts
Is it just me or are Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen the most boring people on the planet? I was just flipping through the channels and for some reason left Oprah on for a minute and now can’t shut it off because I am fascinated by how ridiculously boring and awful they are. As if killing Heath Ledger wasn’t enough.
The week in geek: The Dark Knight's Oscars snub is... →
If you can't take the heat, don't come to pub...
Apparently, my trivia team is mad at me because they think I’m too mean. In my defense, I didn’t get upset when I knew when the Challenger exploded and they didn’t. I got upset after we got it right and two of them insisted there must have been another Challenger that exploded in 1984. And I only began mocking them when they acted like they had been talking about Columbia,...
I just got very upset because I heard a strange squeaking sound when I was using my iPhone and thought that something was wrong with it. After playing with it for a few minutes and still hearing the sound, I realized it was me wheezing.
Virgin: the world's best passenger complaint... →
“Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway, so they’d send me home.”
– Brooks in The Shawshank Redemption.
That line gets me every time.
The kids from the yearbook are here and in the process of taking candid shots of me while I work/browse tumblr. My face is bright red and I feel like a jackass. I don’t think I should pursue a career in film.
The Academy Awards can go suck a fuck. End of story.
I don’t want to brag, but I was just bleeding from three orifices at once.
Me: shit shit shit shit. i had 5 alerts to tell me when dark knight tickets went on sale, but now because of a change in plans i can't buy them yet and i'm freaking out.
Alicia: KILL YOURSELF NOW.
Me: i don't appreciate your mocking. this is serious stuff, man.
Alicia: i have my own problems with the push back of the release of the frusciante album to next tuesday. i paid looney tunes for it but they might not have it until next tuesday but it's on iTunes. i don't want to buy it 3 times because i'm definitely buying the vinyl when i can. WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS, MAN.
Self discovery of the day
I can watch anything, but for some reason no matter how many times I see The Royal Tenenbaums, I can’t bring myself to watch the scene with Richie’s suicide attempt.
